Oh yeah, that Vietnam thing. Fine, I guess we can talk about that too.

So when we last left off we were returning from the mountainous region of Sapa back to Hanoi. We had some other teacher friends traveling to Vietnam over the break who departed from Bangkok a few days later than us. It just so happened that when we were returning from our Sapa trip that they would be in Hanoi. As you might have guess we met up with them to drink some Bia Hoi (this delicious beverage is brewed daily and sold out of kegs on the street for about 18 cents U.S.). We thought it would be fun if we went to Halong Bay together before we parted ways. And so we all booked a boat trip on Halong Bay, which was actually one night on a Junk (boat) and a night on an small island resort (which was all inclusive, except for the booze). This ran us about $85 USD, although it sounds much pimper to say 1.5 million dong.

Halong Bay is a UNESCO World Heritage site (on natural grounds I believe) and located about 3 1/2 hours east of Hanoi. We arrived in Halong City and took a small dingy to our boat. There were about 8 of us teachers in our group, two Brits, and a Scot. Oh yes, and who could forget the Canadian (Blaaaaaahh! Sorry, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. You never really know why you make fun of Canadians… until you actually meet one, then it ‘just feels right’ (and well deserved(I hope no Canadians read this blog, if there are, please don’t beat me up. I’m fragile.))).

When we got on the boat we set sail and headed out in to the bay. The bay has hundreds of tiny lush green and limestone islands that jut out of the water. Unfortunately, the first day you couldn’t see much more than their silhouettes because of low lying fog. It gave off the vibe of the very first seen of the Pirates of the Caribbean movie where they are slowly making the way through the fog. It was a sort of eerie feeling that set me humming ‘Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me.’ (I’ve actually been on the original PotC ride in Disneyland. Unfortunately, there were no fat ladies chasing men around in continuous circles or drunkards balancing on top a stack of beer kegs here. Pity.)

We got to kayak a little during which Timm (who was with Ed) flipped their kayak. Said flipping led to Timm releasing his paddle from his hand. And as it turns out paddles in Vietnam don’t float- probably because they’re made out of steel poles that aren’t water tight. That cost Timm a cool $20. Not really a good story I realized, but this my blog so I can do whatever I want (like say booger). We also checked out a nifty cave that I walked through barefoot because when I asked our guide ‘Do we need shoes?’ she said no (note to self: shoes doesn’t translate into ‘footwear in general’ ie. sandals, flippie floppies, crocs).

After enjoying a delicious seafood dinner, a few of us went down to our room to watch part of the fine classic film Judge Dread staring the Oscar Nomm….Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award nominated Sylvester Stallone! (Why would you watch a movie on vacation? Ermm, because its vacation and much like this blog, I am the law! (Sorry I stole that idea from you Ed. (Inside jokes/comments on blogs are stupid. (Just like that one time in Vegas, right guys?)))).

I’ve never been to Vegas.

One thing that sucked about being on vacation however was being unable to sleep in. We were roused early as usual and after a nice breakfast taken to Cat Ba, one of the biggest islands off the coast of ‘Nam. We went for a nice little bicycle ride and checked out a cool hospital built into a big hill during the Vietnam-American War when we were bombing the bejeezums out of them. Yeah it might get a little boring never getting to really see the light of day and being stuck in a cave, but its probably a lot better than getting hit by a giant bomb. Oh yeah, we lost that war. Jokes aside, this was just the beginning of us really realizing how smart the Vietcong were, which I will talk about more when I talk about the tunnels outside of Saigon in Act III.

After that we were shuttled to another boat docking area and were taken to “Monkey Island” by motorboat, where we would stay for the night. Timm and I shared a quaint little bungalow set back just 10 meters or so from the beach, and it provided an appropriate setting for our pirate based Dungeon and Draaa… nevermind.

“So were there monkeys?” By golly you bet there were some monkeys, although we had to first hike up a hillside and back down to the other side of the island. I however kept my distance. I was walking toward the “monkey area” and heard a blood curdling scream. Then I saw about 8 people fleeing from the trees back onto the beach. Our friend Amy had been bitten by one of these furry primates. No these were not cuddly little monkeys that you hold in you arms, they were vicious and protective monkeys that would rather eat your arms. (I posted a while back a post about some temple monkeys who were far nicer than these monkeys.) A young Thai that was there said he was ambushed by about 8 of them when he walked into his kitchen one time. He had the scars to prove it- and a big stick that he never walks around without now, in case there is a need for some monkey bashing.

Another delicious meal and another laid back evening with a few drinks we went to bed somewhat early. We had yet another early morning in store. The next day was quite really uneventful and mostly consisted of a long cruise back to Halong City through the bay. There weather was much clearer this time than the first day, which was nice, and provided some better photo opportunities. The day ended with a van ride back to Hanoi. (I know its not the most exciting ending to a story.) So we’ll pick up from there when I get to Act III.

One of my closest friends from home is visiting me for a couple of weeks (something you should think about doing!) and he is getting in tonight. So it’s hard to say how much blogging I’ll get to do, although I have some time between my classes somedays, so maybe I’ll write then. But as a gift to you right now (no its not virtual boogers) I will leave you with a cover I recorded of the beloved classic, Linger, by The Cranberries.

Ps. If I’ve offended anyone with my low level of maturity in this post, then I’m sorry. (But it’s an “I’m sorry you read this,” rather than a “I’m sorry I wrote this.”)

The unit we’ve been working on is creative writing and opinions. Earlier on the quiz the students had to read a paragraph on Ham, the first chimpanzee to travel into outer space. You can read about his real life here. But if you want a real treat read my students essays on what happened to Ham after his famous space trip. One other note before reading, Thai students will rarely refer an animal as a he or she, but as “it”. Also you’ll probably get confused in some spots, just think about what makes sense and tha’ts probably what they meant or were trying to say.

I chose my six favorite out of about 25, it was hard.

Story 1: I liked this one a lot. Like many of these stories, the ending of this one has a good moral lesson that everyone should learn from.

After Ham went to space. He was a very famous chimp and he was very rich. His money can buy all of Thailand. Then he decided to go to Thailand to traveled. He wanted to see everything in Thailand. So he brough, a big train to went to Thailand. He though “If I like Thailand, I will buy it.” When he arived, he saw Thai girls. He like Thai girls immidately. He ran toward to group of Thai girls. He want to play with them. But the group of Thai girls didn’t know him. Ham wasn’t famous in Thailand. No one know about him. The group of Thai girls didn’t know him. Ham wasn’t famous in Thailand. No one know about him. The group of Thai girls didn’t like him. They think he was very ugly, short, fat and his smale was very bad. So they tried to stey away from him. But Ham ran to tham again and again. The group of Thai girls wes very angry. They kicked Ham ass and hit him. They gave Ham to a zoo. Finally Ham must lived in Thailand for ever.

What we learned: Don’t buy a whole country unless it comes with the zoo. Also girls are mean and stupid.

Story 2: This one (for the sake of offending anyone) is more bizarre than funny. But I won’t lie, I laughed.

When he come back Ham go to see scientists. Scientists check his body, if he strong the want to give him back to jungel. Mike the head of scientists ask one of his team “Something wrong for Ham?” One of them told him “Ham has perfect health, but I don’t know why, he have virus.” “What that virus?” Mike ask. No one can answer him. Scientists team hurry to check this virus but then found nothing. In the last Mike can’t be wait, he got to test but this test is change the world forever. Mike bring Ham blood and use for himself. One month ago Mike is OK, everyone think this virus not dangerous, but them wrong, this virus is call HIV. Is not dangerous for monkey but is very dangerous for humans. Three months ago Mike was dead, no one can’t stop, no one can’t heal. Finally, NASA tell everyone to beware this virus name is HIV.

What we learned: HIV is from space. Or did Mike use his own blood for Ham’s test and have HIV all along? See I’m blurry on exactly what happened. Thoughts? We did learn however that NASA is the governing agency responsible for notifying the world of viral outbreaks.

Story 3: I honestly don’t even know how to begin to grade this one, apparently this student decided she didn’t like Ham the Chimp and decided he (it) could instantly metamorphisize into four rabbits. Whatever, if it ended up being sucky I would’ve been mad, but clearly it must have made the the list for some reason. Read on…

After that, the four little rabbits are instead it. They are popular for many people. They were stonger and cute. Every morning, they have breakfast is pancake that famous for us. They like to play football and like to singing with birds in the afternoon. The four little rabbits have white skin and a little pink feather sometime it make to charm. Their have many pictures all of the newspaper. Thus, they were interested for the scientists. The scientists go to the space is locate of the four little rabbits. The little rabbits were scarier because their thinking that the scientists are terrorists. Yes! Their thinking right. The scientists use trap for catching the little rabbits and it’s success. Next, when the four little rabbits were catching the scientists reject toxic for them. But the little rabbits are know, their pretend to die. When the scientists are thinking that the rabbits are dead while they carry them to car. Suddenly, the rabbits are wake up, they jump to the scientists and to his neck. The humans very shocked and create name for the four little rabbits, is monster rabbits.

What we learned:The bunnies were lucky the scientist didn’t realize they rejected them with toxic rather than injecting them. AHH! How fate can twist so quickly! Also the image of a cute little bunny suddenly doing a flying sidekick to the side of a scientist’s neck is enough to bring a smile to anyone’s face. You know it did.

Story 4: I can’t even think of a good lead into this one, but I suppose the theme is jealousy?

When Ham after his famous space trip, Ham’s picture was in all the newspaper and magazine. Then scientists and Ham come back home. Then, the reporter want to take a photo for picture in all the newspaper. Suddenly, someone ask Ham “You want to be a actor?” Ham replied “Oh! yes, I want to a actor.” At night Ham go to the London for shows and Ham very thirsty because he very tired. He go to the shop to buy water, After that, Ham’s sleep on the ground. When Ham wake up, Ham changes my body chimpanzee for human. Ham’s very handsome and look like David Beckham. Ham think it’s good way to find a money. He decided to go to Thailand. Tn Thailand he’s very famous actor in Thailand and everybody like him. One day, he’s sleep at the home the robber want to kill Ham because the robber hate Ham and Ham handsome more than the robber. Then, Ham died at home. After that, the robber came back. Ham wake up and changes my body to chimpanzee.

What we learned: Ham is an alcoholic and refers to his vodka as “water.”

Story 5: Oh the irony!

Ham was the name of the first chimpanzee to go in to space.

Ham is a smart chimpanzee. He have friend name Tom he is a human. Ham went to be famous chimpanzee in the future. He study hard and do homework everyday. Ham tell teacher he want to go in to space. When Tom listen he said “Ha Ha! Are you crazy, you just a chimpanzee, I think if have someone can go to space it just only me not you because I’m human.” When Tom (I think she meant Ham) listen he don’t say anything, he walk away. One day have scientist name Mr. Robert he came to Tom and Ham school and say “We want one student to go into space. Who want to go, you must have GPA 4.00 and can run fastest.  Tom and Ham go to test. When Tom see Ham he called him crazy chimp! But Ham don’t care when finished the test Ham is the winner. He can go to space.

Tom ask Ham how can you do this. Ham talk with Tom at the first time he smile and said “Because I’m not a stupid human like you! Ha Ha!”

What we learned: Hell if I know. You can’t learn anything from stupid monkeys.

Story 6: The last of the six, I like that Ham didn’t limit himself just to space, but pursued other challenges as well (besides Thai women). Turns out wikipedia forgot to mention Ham’s other great feat…

Ham, it is chimpnanzees who went to space. After travel it was famous. All news paper their have Ham picture anywere.

Two year later. One people go to give offer to Ham. In offer it is the offer to Ham to try skooba diving. Ham is come to be a diver. The manager of Ham say yes to this offer. Two weeks later, Ham go to the swimming pool to practis how to dive. In this swimming pool we have a diver master, who are take care Ham self. First, the take Ham in wet sute and take gas tank and show it how to breathe when it into the water. After leason they go to real ocean. Today weather is rainy and wind. But master say “Don’t worry in is fine.” They go to one island, it very far to the land. They take wet sute to Ham and wich him to safe. Ham jump into the ocean. It is first chimp are skooba diver. It was in 1963. But this travel are not good as space travel as. They have mistake in tank when Ham jump into the ocean. It didn’t come back forever never.

What we learned: The first chimp to scuba dive was Ham…in 1963. Also he died…in 1963.

The water park isn’t the exciting part, however cool it is, but instead it is a day trip I took about 2 hours north of Bangkok to Lopburi. Lopburi is the capital of… you guessed it, the Lopburi Province situated about 150km north of Bangkok. It’s not a particularly large town and easily walkable once you arrive there. The Khmer Empire actually ruled the region for quite a long time and when doing so destroyed all of the old temples and built their own, so most of the temple architecture is quite similar to what you would find in Cambodia, rather than Thailand. The main temple we were visiting was originally Hindu with its three peeks representing Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva, was later converted to a Buddhist temple. How this works exactly I don’t know, I guess plop a few Buddhas on the inside and its all good. No need to make it complicated.

What really draws the people to Lopburi however are the monkeys. The Crab-eating Macaque to be exact. These rascals inhabit the Prang Sam Yot khmer temple and Sarn Phra Karn khmer shrine. There are hundreds climbing all over the temple and running around waiting for handouts by curious and obnoxious tourist like myself. They certainly weren’t afraid of humans, but rather act like them more than anything, trying to pickpocket or grab anything you’ve got dangling off of your backpack. My friend Michelle got her water bottle lifted by one them because the white bag it was in caught the eye of one of our furry friends. He then proceeded to run away with it and drink its contents by chomping into the side of it. It is recommended you shouldn’t wear jewelry or earrings, as they could bye the instigator to a lot of unneeded pain. I purposely left mine in Bangkok.

The monkeys don’t exactly stay right at the temple either, but many cross the street and play on the window gratings and street awnings. Other have been known to jump from the fence or power lines onto the nearby passing train, as if hobo looking for adventure, but eventually returning to the only home they ever knew. There is a rather comical story in the Lonely Planet guide book that tells of the monkey troupe which at one point split in two. The “splinter troop” as LP puts it was led by a half-blind dominant male who gave up the “temple’s sanctity, for the temptations of the city.” Really all they did was cross the street to play on the buildings, they didn’t actually go very far. But I like the idea of a one-eyed renegade monkey. I bet his primate buddies had a cool name for him, like Brain Muncher or Banana Smasher.

While the monkeys are somewhat of a nuisance to the residents, they decided long ago that it far outweighs the tourism money that it brings to the town. Every November the town residents hold a feast for them by laying out tables and table of food for them. They’ll eat just about everything. However, we visited a few other old temple ruins and an old palace in the town that wasn’t overrun by monkeys. Which was quite nice after having to look over your shoulder every two seconds for a flying monkey. One actually jumped on my arm from a fence about 5 feet away. I won’t try to pretend I played it cool.

We finished the day by going to a small local restaurant to have a drink and quite possibly the best chicken cashewnut I have had in Thailand. Chicken cashewnut is my obsession here in Thailand to the point  that any restaurant I go to where I haven’t tried it I feel obligated to order it. I would consider my somewhat of a Triple C… Chicken Cashewnut Connoisseur. The guy who owned the place also showed us a bottle of Thai alcohol (no idea what kind) that had a king cobra and a scorpion in it, which looked totally bad ass. I however wasn’t about to drink it, even if it would’ve made me look like a total bad ass.

He did give us a free Thai vodka drink to share, which he claimed was super nasty and powerful. He had it mixed with a giant ice cube and about half a tall glass full of limes. Quite frankly, it was pretty nasty, because it tasted like I was drinking half a glass full of limes.

Let the monkey pictures ensue.