Assignment Series: Astrochimp1

The long awaited second edition of the Assignment Series is here. However, this wasn’t exactly an assignment, but an essay that my students had to write on their second quiz. It should provide some good insight into the young and brilliant minds of Thai teenagers. I decided to transcribe the grammar and spelling as is, with the exception of a few commas and punctuators (oh really? not a real word you say? maybe you should teach English too!?) to help with comprehension and flow. Also you get to really see the pain I have to go though meticulously correcting these.

The unit we’ve been working on is creative writing and opinions. Earlier on the quiz the students had to read a paragraph on Ham, the first chimpanzee to travel into outer space. You can read about his real life here. But if you want a real treat read my students essays on what happened to Ham after his famous space trip. One other note before reading, Thai students will rarely refer an animal as a he or she, but as “it”. Also you’ll probably get confused in some spots, just think about what makes sense and tha’ts probably what they meant or were trying to say.

I chose my six favorite out of about 25, it was hard.

Story 1: I liked this one a lot. Like many of these stories, the ending of this one has a good moral lesson that everyone should learn from.

After Ham went to space. He was a very famous chimp and he was very rich. His money can buy all of Thailand. Then he decided to go to Thailand to traveled. He wanted to see everything in Thailand. So he brough, a big train to went to Thailand. He though “If I like Thailand, I will buy it.” When he arived, he saw Thai girls. He like Thai girls immidately. He ran toward to group of Thai girls. He want to play with them. But the group of Thai girls didn’t know him. Ham wasn’t famous in Thailand. No one know about him. The group of Thai girls didn’t know him. Ham wasn’t famous in Thailand. No one know about him. The group of Thai girls didn’t like him. They think he was very ugly, short, fat and his smale was very bad. So they tried to stey away from him. But Ham ran to tham again and again. The group of Thai girls wes very angry. They kicked Ham ass and hit him. They gave Ham to a zoo. Finally Ham must lived in Thailand for ever.

What we learned: Don’t buy a whole country unless it comes with the zoo. Also girls are mean and stupid.

Story 2: This one (for the sake of offending anyone) is more bizarre than funny. But I won’t lie, I laughed.

When he come back Ham go to see scientists. Scientists check his body, if he strong the want to give him back to jungel. Mike the head of scientists ask one of his team “Something wrong for Ham?” One of them told him “Ham has perfect health, but I don’t know why, he have virus.” “What that virus?” Mike ask. No one can answer him. Scientists team hurry to check this virus but then found nothing. In the last Mike can’t be wait, he got to test but this test is change the world forever. Mike bring Ham blood and use for himself. One month ago Mike is OK, everyone think this virus not dangerous, but them wrong, this virus is call HIV. Is not dangerous for monkey but is very dangerous for humans. Three months ago Mike was dead, no one can’t stop, no one can’t heal. Finally, NASA tell everyone to beware this virus name is HIV.

What we learned: HIV is from space. Or did Mike use his own blood for Ham’s test and have HIV all along? See I’m blurry on exactly what happened. Thoughts? We did learn however that NASA is the governing agency responsible for notifying the world of viral outbreaks.

Story 3: I honestly don’t even know how to begin to grade this one, apparently this student decided she didn’t like Ham the Chimp and decided he (it) could instantly metamorphisize into four rabbits. Whatever, if it ended up being sucky I would’ve been mad, but clearly it must have made the the list for some reason. Read on…

After that, the four little rabbits are instead it. They are popular for many people. They were stonger and cute. Every morning, they have breakfast is pancake that famous for us. They like to play football and like to singing with birds in the afternoon. The four little rabbits have white skin and a little pink feather sometime it make to charm. Their have many pictures all of the newspaper. Thus, they were interested for the scientists. The scientists go to the space is locate of the four little rabbits. The little rabbits were scarier because their thinking that the scientists are terrorists. Yes! Their thinking right. The scientists use trap for catching the little rabbits and it’s success. Next, when the four little rabbits were catching the scientists reject toxic for them. But the little rabbits are know, their pretend to die. When the scientists are thinking that the rabbits are dead while they carry them to car. Suddenly, the rabbits are wake up, they jump to the scientists and to his neck. The humans very shocked and create name for the four little rabbits, is monster rabbits.

What we learned:The bunnies were lucky the scientist didn’t realize they rejected them with toxic rather than injecting them. AHH! How fate can twist so quickly! Also the image of a cute little bunny suddenly doing a flying sidekick to the side of a scientist’s neck is enough to bring a smile to anyone’s face. You know it did.

Story 4: I can’t even think of a good lead into this one, but I suppose the theme is jealousy?

When Ham after his famous space trip, Ham’s picture was in all the newspaper and magazine. Then scientists and Ham come back home. Then, the reporter want to take a photo for picture in all the newspaper. Suddenly, someone ask Ham “You want to be a actor?” Ham replied “Oh! yes, I want to a actor.” At night Ham go to the London for shows and Ham very thirsty because he very tired. He go to the shop to buy water, After that, Ham’s sleep on the ground. When Ham wake up, Ham changes my body chimpanzee for human. Ham’s very handsome and look like David Beckham. Ham think it’s good way to find a money. He decided to go to Thailand. Tn Thailand he’s very famous actor in Thailand and everybody like him. One day, he’s sleep at the home the robber want to kill Ham because the robber hate Ham and Ham handsome more than the robber. Then, Ham died at home. After that, the robber came back. Ham wake up and changes my body to chimpanzee.

What we learned: Ham is an alcoholic and refers to his vodka as “water.”

Story 5: Oh the irony!

Ham was the name of the first chimpanzee to go in to space.

Ham is a smart chimpanzee. He have friend name Tom he is a human. Ham went to be famous chimpanzee in the future. He study hard and do homework everyday. Ham tell teacher he want to go in to space. When Tom listen he said “Ha Ha! Are you crazy, you just a chimpanzee, I think if have someone can go to space it just only me not you because I’m human.” When Tom (I think she meant Ham) listen he don’t say anything, he walk away. One day have scientist name Mr. Robert he came to Tom and Ham school and say “We want one student to go into space. Who want to go, you must have GPA 4.00 and can run fastest.  Tom and Ham go to test. When Tom see Ham he called him crazy chimp! But Ham don’t care when finished the test Ham is the winner. He can go to space.

Tom ask Ham how can you do this. Ham talk with Tom at the first time he smile and said “Because I’m not a stupid human like you! Ha Ha!”

What we learned: Hell if I know. You can’t learn anything from stupid monkeys.

Story 6: The last of the six, I like that Ham didn’t limit himself just to space, but pursued other challenges as well (besides Thai women). Turns out wikipedia forgot to mention Ham’s other great feat…

Ham, it is chimpnanzees who went to space. After travel it was famous. All news paper their have Ham picture anywere.

Two year later. One people go to give offer to Ham. In offer it is the offer to Ham to try skooba diving. Ham is come to be a diver. The manager of Ham say yes to this offer. Two weeks later, Ham go to the swimming pool to practis how to dive. In this swimming pool we have a diver master, who are take care Ham self. First, the take Ham in wet sute and take gas tank and show it how to breathe when it into the water. After leason they go to real ocean. Today weather is rainy and wind. But master say “Don’t worry in is fine.” They go to one island, it very far to the land. They take wet sute to Ham and wich him to safe. Ham jump into the ocean. It is first chimp are skooba diver. It was in 1963. But this travel are not good as space travel as. They have mistake in tank when Ham jump into the ocean. It didn’t come back forever never.

What we learned: The first chimp to scuba dive was Ham…in 1963. Also he died…in 1963.